Monday, September 12, 2005

Bleading heart liberal seeks backbone

So, as some of you know I had signed up with the Red Cross to be deployed for Hurricane Relief. Well, it turns out I am not going. I went through all the training & even got my inoculations, but it just isn't going to happen. You see, I have an anxiety disorder. Even though it is pretty much under control with medication, every once in a while when I am under great stress I will have a panic attack; heart palpitations, inability to focus, general anxiety. Well, I had a big one on Friday. Huge. This was a big red flag. I ended up calling the Red Cross and asked to be removed from National Deployment.

I feel like crap about the whole thing. I really wanted to go down there and help, but I guess my body is smartier than my brain and realized this was a situation I wasn't equiped to handle. At least it happened before I was deployed. The last thing they need down there is someone freaking out who was sent down there to help.

So thats the scoop. Still here, staying here. I suck.

Oh, and here is a little insight into how my brain works

Your Brain's Pattern

Your brain is always looking for the connections in life.
You always amaze your friends by figuring out things first.
You're also good at connecting people - and often play match maker.
You see the world in fluid, flexible terms. Nothing is black or white.
What Pattern Is Your Brain?

This should also say that although I may see & desire flexibility, there needs to be an underlying structure. I am all for, lets get in the car & drive around.. as long as there is an eventual destination planned.


Denise said...

You're right, good thing that happened BEFORE you left. Hey, your heart was definitely in it. Look at that, brains AND heart!

Emily said...

You don't suck. Your heart was in the right place, but you do need to be true to yourself first and foremost. Maybe you could help some of the Hurricane Katrina victims that have settled in Michigan? I heard on NPR that while the Red Cross is receiving a lot of donations, the RC can only help with immediate things like food, water and shelter. Eventually the victims will need more long-term help like finding jobs, homes, schools etc.

Joanne said...

You totally do NOT suck! And I agree that your heart was in the right place. It's okay to feel bad and disappointed but go easy on yourself. 'Cause you rock! :)

Dawn said... so don't suck. You don't know how much I admire that you were going to do this. I am just glad it happened here and not when you were far away. Your heart was soooooo in the right place.....and we love you for it!



heather said...

Hey I can comment again!

You do not suck. I give you props for even going as far as you did! You should be proud of yourself, that was a HUGE thing you did. Maybe you'll be able to go through with it next time. Don't let it get you down.

*Big smile!*